The absence of posts is rheumatoid-arthritis related.

I like to do my writing in the morning, but my symptoms have been so bad that mornings are off the table. It takes a full 3 hours now before I can use my right upper body -- neck, shoulder, wrist and hand. Once those parts are sufficiently warmed up, I have to do as much of my proper, paying work as possible. If I keep moving, things seem to stay lubricated, but I get tired easily.

I took a nap the other day but it was ill-advised. I woke up in more pain, and it took another 2 hours to get back to being able to move without clunking about like a rusty tin man.

It is so annoying to be so limited and slow in my movements! I hate being in the kind of physical pain that yoga cannot alleviate -- I can do a few restorative supine poses but they only temporarily subdue the aches I feel in the marrow of my bones. I am trying to remain optimistic because I know this is a phase and I won’t always be in this much agony, but I am impatient. The slightest twitch of my right wrist causes me to wince and moan, and I feel like everything I say or feel or do right now is cloaked by a fog of discomfort.

And I hate feeling sorry for myself! And I hate asking for help from anyone who isn’t TA. The other night I had dinner with friends at a restaurant, and I barely touched my food -- not because I wasn’t hungry, but because I couldn’t hold the fork. How fucking pathetic is that?